Due to the amount of time (seven months) that this plan unfolded there is no way to accurately detail it in one blog post. I will be doing this in several parts, with this being the first. I am excited to share this, because to see were this journey has led me is amazing. Truthfully I know that His plan is still not finished, but oh how far we've come.
December of 2014 was a rough month. It felt like everything was falling apart. I was overwhelmed to say the least. Work was not going as I planned, the boys school was not how I expected, my marriage was not at its peak, family situations were a mess, our house was a disaster, and the list goes on. I could spend all day telling you what was wrong, but that alone would take several posts and that isn't what this is about!
Christmas came and went and by the time new years eve rolled around I was in bed. There was no celebration, there was no fireworks, there was no celebration. I stayed in bed...literally all day. January had come and it was supposed to be the time for resolutions and new beginnings. All I wanted to do was hide under the covers.
The stress and demands of life continued to pile up and I hit my breaking point. I was sitting on my couch and it hit me...the worst panic attack of my life. You can read about that here. I spent the entire night feeling out of control and feared I had lost my mind. The next morning I was still horribly anxious and then the depression hit. I wanted to run. I definitely needed to get away. Vacation was not even close to being an option, so I did the next best thing. I packed up some of our things and we came to my grandmothers.
Looking back on how things in my life were going I can easily tell you now the important things that were missing. See, I was overwhelmed because I didn't give God my problems. In all honesty I didn't give Him my time either. I put too much focus on everything else, but failed to do the most important thing. 1Peter 5:7 tells us to "Cast all your worries on Him, because He cares for you." I didn't do that. I held on to them when I needed to let go.
I have mentioned before that I grew up in church, and even went to Christian school. As an adult I let things get in the way and made excuses. We went to church occasionally and we prayed together at meals then at night I would say my prayers. That wasn't enough. It wasn't even close. I didn't have a personal relationship with God, and I was failing to set an example for my children. My soul wasn't being fed and neither was my families. We had to make a change! Reading my Bible and building my relationship with God was where I planned to start. I love the pin on pinterest about reading your bible. The one that tells you that your bible should be like bread for daily use not cake for special occasions. That is so very true!
Now please don't think that all you have to do to fix everything is to open your Bible. It is a great start, but you have to read it , pray over it, build your relationship with God, and diligently seek Him. You can't snap your fingers and think things will change. That is something else I've learned along this journey. We all go through trials in our lives for a purpose. God is building us and molding us for His purpose. Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." It doesn't say good things or bad things or ok things, it says ALL things!!
My soul was desperately in need of being fed. I ached inside and I knew that the only thing that could fill that void was God. So I was going to seek him with my whole heart, and I have been doing that since. My life has changed in so many ways. I could shout from the rooftops about His amazing grace and love. I have this love that I cannot even explain!
My life is in no way easy, but my hope is anchored in Him! I rely on Him and He keeps me safe. What I didn't realize in January was that God had a plan the entire time. He used me and others in my life to completely transform a situation. This situation doesn't change the world, but it did change all of us and I can't wait to finish telling you how His plan has unfolded!
Love and Hugs,