Friday, March 18, 2016

When You Think You Have Failed

Failure is something I think that all of us fear at some point in our lives. We don't want to fail. We tell ourselves we aren't built to fail, but guess what? We are!We will fail over and over again. It isn't about failure its about fighting; fighting the good fight!

As I sit here writing this I struggle to think through my past failures  mistakes  learning experiences. We have all been there. Some of us have been there more than we care to think about, or even admit. So here I am today willing to do just that. Admit it!

Failure isn't just about not doing our best on a test, or losing at a game of scrabble (or a wii game) with our family. Failure is when we set out to do a task and that task doesn't go as planned. No, I am not quoting Websters dictionary for that last sentence. For some of us failure means drinking that drink we said we would never touch again, smoking that cigarette when we said we quit, eating yet another piece of cake when we know we have a problem with food. It could be about telling just one more" tiny" lie, reaching for those pills that we know are killing us, raising our hand to the one who loves us, or even taking that punch from someone we swore would never hurt us again. Our "failures" come in many shapes, sizes, and forms.

Tonight I had a conversation about my week. As I discusses how things unfolded something struck a nerve. I managed to let my mind drift to my past and relived my various issues with abandonment. That is another story entirely. Another day, another time.

I sat there and explained how one situation in my life causes a ripple effect. Here is an action (whatever the action may be) and then follows the effect (whatever thing happens due to my previous action). At this point in my conversation I am crying. I am feeling like I have failed one too many times. I am seeing all these mistakes; all these failures. Then I snapped back to reality and realized that these so called failures were not what they seem.

I know that when we are going through a situation it seems to be the worst possible thing in our lives. We feel like things can't be any worse, and that no one could possible understand. That is not true! The enemy wants us to think that, but he is the master of lies. People do understand, and above all God does! God knows all of our hurts, all of our mistakes, all of the things that make us cry ourselves to sleep at night. He knows every single one of them and He wants us to give them to Him. We don't have to carry that alone. 

The things that you and I have gone through are what will build our character. They are what bring us closer to God. They are what break us so that we can be found in Him; found and loved beyond measure. 

If someone would have told me that any of my failures or sufferings would be to benefit me in the future I would have thought they were crazy. That feeling when you feel so broken and and so lost will eventyally fade away. For years I felt lost. I searched and searched everywhere I thought I would find myself. I looked in every place I thought could bring me a glimmer of happiness or an answer to who I really was. I looked in every direction except the right one...up! 

One day when I was more broken that I had ever been I gave up trying. I couldn't do it on my own. I coudnt keep searching for something that I would clearly never find alone. I feel to my knees and looked up and every single doubt of who I was was gone. I was a child of God. I was the daughter of a King who loved me even though I was a broken mess. He loved my faults. He loved me for me and even in my weakness kept me strong. 

One of my favorite Bible verses is found in  2 Corinthians 12 :9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

"For when I am weak, then I am strong". Every time I hear that I smile. I don't have to be strong! I don't have to be perfect! I can make mistakes, and I can fail! His Grace will cover us through it all! That my friends is amazing! There is no other love so perfect! 

So the next time you are questioning yourself, or you are feeling like you have failed remember the bigger picture. Remember that we may have times that things are hard and we suffer for those things, but God will use those to mold us into the people we need to become. God turns even the most broken into something beautiful. Don't give up! Keep fighting the good fight!

I have been listening to this song on repeat after a comment was left for me on facebook! Check out Unspoken- Good Fight!

Love and Hugs as always!!


Brandi J.

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