Our Suffering and His Comfort : Dealing with Panic and Anxiety

Struggles are around us every single day. Some of us struggle with work, friendships, over eating, not eating enough, sadness, fear, depression, anxiety, and panic along with many other things. Each of us has some type of "set back" or "suffering".

At times we feel that we cant go on, and lose ourselves in our thoughts. I have been guilty of this. I suffer from severe anxiety and panic disorder that was brought on through the trials of my life. When these horrible attacks first started I thought I was going crazy. I literally felt insane. Then I wondered "why me God, why me?"

Growing in my faith and walking with Christ has taught me a lot about the "why". God has a plan and purpose for everything. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." There is one thing I have realized throughout the years. My time doesn't necissarily mean its Gods time. I may want things to happen right now, but God may have something better in mind. He can see the bigger picture and we see a fraction.

Throughout the years people would tell me to "get over it" and, of course, "its all in your head". Um, hello!!! I know its in my head!! Do these people not think that if I could snap my fingers and snap out of it or "get over it" I would? The answer is YES! Of course I would! Going through years of anxiety and panic disorder are somehow worked into a bigger picture. Somehow, through faith, I know God will use my trials and stories to help someone else! When He is fully ready for me to understand His plan I will see it, but for now I trust in His unfailing love, and rest in the security that He is with me!

I decided today that I would share something I wrote after one of my horrible panic attacks. So many people want to know how a panic attack feels. Doctors sometimes describe the symptoms, but not the true feelings. Yes you do get dizzy and your palms sweat, but that doesn't even begin to describe what is going on in your head. Here is something I wrote after one of my attacks before I understood what I do today.

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Imagine for a second you are drugged. You are poisoned by a toxic chemical. it washed over your body and you feel the urge to flee. The feeling of unimaginable terror takes over and you jump to your feet in hopes of finding an escape. You want to run, you need to run, but there is nowhere to go. The thing you are trying so desperately to run from is in your head. Its not a drug. There is no crazy chemical. Its a panic attack and there is no escape.

You want to scream; to call for help. You need someone or something to make it stop. The terror washes over you like a tidal wave that is about to knock you under the dark and unknown waters of your fears. You begin to sweat ice cold bullets and your pupils dilate as you begin to shake. Your skin feels hot and parts of you begin to go numb. Your face feels like its on fire, but you continue to tremble like someone who was left out in the icy bitterness of winter.

It gets worse now. You can't be still. the shaking is out of control just like your thoughts. You can feel your mind slipping away...floating above you like a dark looming could. Your thoughts aren't yours; or are they? You want to grab your head in hopes of holding yourself together. In hopes of stopping these feelings that cause so much pain. You aren't yourself. You can see the things around you, but you cant change a thing.

You pace the floor as you shake and the warm tears begin to fall down your warm cheeks leaving their salty trail. "Please make this stop. Please help me. What is happening" You say to yourself wishing, praying, and begging for it to leave. You are clinging to a hope that something will ease these fears and make the suffering end. You can't stop thinking about how terrified you are and the panic gets worse. You grip your chest because your heart aches. There is a tightness in your lungs and a pressure like no other. You are carrying the weight of the world.

You continue to beg and plead for this nightmare to end as thoughts race through your scattered mind. "Is this really happening? Is it ever going to end? Will this feeling and terror be all that I know forever? Is this my forever?" Tears still fall as you sit down in hopes of stopping the room from spinning...your world from spinning, but you cant. The moment you sit you are again overcome with that enormous urge to escape. How can you escape? You know you cant. you can't run from your own thoughts, and when the realizations sets in that there is no escaping more unbearable fear creeps in. The fear has you. It grips you. The shaking wont stop. The pain wont stop.

The aching and fear continue and the feeling that your thoughts no longer belong to you brings a sadness that cannot be described. You begin to pace again still clutching your chest. The aching wont subside as the shaking and fear overwhelm you. You can no longer see straight. "Am I going crazy?" you wonder "Am I honestly losing my mind? I cant get a grip on myself. Please someone help me."

The pacing, shaking, and crying continue as the cold sweat trickles down your hot skin. The dizziness has taken over and you think you will faint. You pray you will faint so you won't feel this way. You try to sit again knowing its almost impossible because the urge to flee is enormous. You try again, still holing your chest. You grip your bible and fumble to open it then begin to flip through the pages fighting against the shaking. Your fingers feel that they will fail you, but you find a verse in Psalm 9:10 and begin to read  "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord have never forsaken those who seek you."

You cry. You beg. You pray. Please Lord, please help me! Then you continue repeating that verse. You read it aloud through the tears, fear, and pain until exhaustion finally takes over and you fall asleep.

It isn't truly over yet. No, you still aren't free, because when you wake you will feel that weight baring down on you and an immense sadness over what you endured. The fear lingers in the back of your mind and burdens you. The question hangs over you like that dark cloud and you wonder "will it happen again? Can I make it through the next time?" The sadness and fear stay with you even though you try to push it from your thoughts. The thoughts you fear don't truly belong to you anymore, but you pray. You pray that one day you can overcome the panic and sadness and finally be ok.

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I wrote that feeling scared and confused. I wrote that without an understanding of the good that can actually come from this. I wrote it sad and worried that I would never overcome the pain. I will be doing several posts on these topics and the journey that this has taken me on. There was one verse that stood out to me and I'm going to share that with you. I want each of you to know that it will be ok! If you are suffering from anxiety, panic attacks, depression, or anything else God will get you through! Turn your focus to Him! He will give you strength! Our gracious heavenly father has overcome the world! John 16:33 tells us " I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world!" Don't you think if our magnificent savior can overcome the world he can help us overcome our troubles!

In the new testament we can read of Paul's sufferings and trials. 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 tells us his thoughts about what he endured. "But he said to me "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness,  so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insult, in hardships in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak then I am strong." I love that! For when I am weak then I am strong! We as humans are weak, but Christ Jesus WILL make us strong!

Hold on to your faith because it will get better! You are not alone in your suffering. If you are at your wits end and are feeling overwhelmed say this prayer:

Lord God I come to you know and I need your peace.

Lord please lay your hand on me and take this burden

from me. My heart aches and I cannot do this alone.

Lord I need your strength. I ask that you carry this for me.

Lord take this pain and give me a peace. Cover me in your Love

and renew my spirit. Free me from my fears and protect me.

Lord I praise you for all that you are and for your gracious

and abundant love. I ask these things in Jesus Name. Amen.

Love and Hugs,

Brandi Jones

PS: I plan to do a few studies from 2 Corinthians so please stay tuned!

Simply Noticing What God Puts In Front Of You

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. Even as Christians we sin and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23 states that plain as day. We aren't created to be perfect. The Lord knows we will fail and make mistakes. That is natural. We are human. We sometimes judge ourselves and even compare ourselves to other Christians. Galatians 6:4 says Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

God didn't call us to be like other Christians, he called us to be like Him! Ephesians 5:1-2 tells us "Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God."

I have been praying for wisdom and guidance in my daily life. In this world we are faced with the struggle of crazy schedules, long work hours, demanding family members, children who need us, and the constant urge to rush. We feel like we need to get everything accomplished and feel like we fail when we don't. Sometimes we need a break! Sometimes we need to step back and take a look around us. When you give your cares to God, and rest you will be amazed at how your eyes open!

Today our family piled in the car after church and I tried to mentally prepare myself for our usual argument over what we would eat. If you know our family, then you know food choice is never something easily agreed upon. We had a few things we needed to do today, so I opted for a quick choice. I suggested Arby's and all at once everyone seemed to love the idea. "WOW" I thought to myself as I put the car in reverse and headed to Arby's .

We all went in, ordered our food, and sat down to eat. After blessing the food we all dug in. A few minutes later a man came in the side door. His clothes were ripped and somewhat dirty, and he held his head down as he crossed the lobby and headed for the drink machine with a battered and old drinking cup that had seen better days. I watched as he glanced to see if any workers were watching him, then he picked up a napkin carefully wiping out the cup, and cautiously began filling it with water. When his cup was almost full he put his head down and quickly walked back through the lobby and out the door. I could hear snickering and gasps coming from the other table, but my heart broke for this man. He was not begging, he didn't ask for a thing, he simply needed water. I couldn't take it. I needed to help. Tyler immediately jumped to his feet and rushed out to get him. "Are you hungry?" Tyler asked motioning for the man to come back in. "No thank you." he replied to Tyler looking embarrassed. "Sir, please let us get you something to eat." he continued "I was in your shoes before and I know how this is. Please let us at least get you some lunch." Hesitantly the man walked back through the door with Tyler shaking his hand.

I won't go into any more detail about today, but I will say that it brought me to tears. The harsh and cruel things people can say break my heart. Sometimes people are so quick to judge. Even as Christians we can still have that tendency. I in no way want this to be a broadcast of a "good deed" or an "act of kindness". I didn't write this to tell the world we did something good. In fact I didn't want to tell anyone. What I want to get across is that we need to step back and see what is going on around us. We are all busy and rushing around. We all feel at times our lives are hectic and that we have too much to handle, or have to much on our plate. What if we were in that situation? What if we were the ones who just wanted a glass of water. What if we were the ones getting disgusted looks and harsh remarks.

I feel that God put us there today because that man needed us. It could have been anyone, but God put in on our hearts to help. Christ loves each and every one of us. We all grew up hearing that song "Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world". We are ALL his children every one of us. It doesn't matter if you are rich, just getting by, or don't have a dime to your name. He loves us all! It is our job as Christians to love our neighbor as Christ loves us. We don't shun or shame others. We love them.

When we do good and share we are pleasing God! Hebrews 13:16 says "Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God." You don't help someone because you think others will see or know. You help because you want to please God. There was a reason God put us there today and I praise Him for allowing that sweet man to have a meal.

When your days get too stressful or you feel like you can't deal with everything around you just take a breathe. Look up and pray this prayer :

Dear Lord I come to you now and I need your help.

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and

I can't do this alone. I know with you Lord I don't

have to do it alone! I trust in Your unfailing love

and strength!You Lord can overcome it all! 

Lord God I ask that you take this burden and

stress and give me peace. Help me stay focused on You

and allow me to glorify you throughout my day.

I thank you Lord for all you have

given me and I praise your Holy Name.

In Jesus Name. Amen.

Love and Hugs!

Brandi Jones

God Puts Us Where We Need To Be : Loving and Helping Others

Today was a normal day. I didn't have anything special planned, so after running a few errands my husband and I stopped by Ross. Ross is similar to a T.J. Maxx or Marshalls if you aren't familiar with the type of store.

I walked up and down a few isles and was stopped by a lady with a crackling voice and at first glance what appeared to be horrible burns or scales all over her body. She called me over to her and I stopped as she begin to speak in a soft and trembling voice.

"I know I look frightening. Most people don't come near me. I'm not contagious and you can't catch what I have. I have a skin disease and I was born this way. Most people call me a freak and try to avoid me or even run". As she spoke these words tears fell from her saddened eyes. Her lonely scared eyes that barley had eyelids to cover them. She was overwhelmed with shame and my heart ached for her, but she put out her poor shaking hand and I took it in mine and shook it.

She wiped her tears and began again. " The skin disease I have is painful. I usually have to soak in a tub for an hour a day and then apply a lotion immediately after. I cant actually dry. I have to pat dry." Wiping more tears she continued " My friend told me she would meet me at Target to help me get the lotion I needed, but that was three hours ago and now I don't know what to do. Target doesn't even have it now. All these people just stare at me. They think I am this horrible disgusting person, and now I'm here and have no way to get what I need and no way to get back."

Tears poured down her face and my eyes filled with tears of my own. I could sense her pain, but could never imagine how she truly felt...alone, scared, helpless, disgraced? I ached for her. About this time my husband walked up and heard the last bit of the conversation, but looking at my face he knew exactly what we needed to do. We gave her the money to compensate for the lotion she needed plus extra, then a younger lady standing beside us also found it in her heart to help. Mrs. Sugar, as her friends call her, was now able to get what she needed including food and a way home!

Mrs. Sugars tears of pain turned to those of someone who was grateful and felt loved. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me continuing to thank me. I told her that she deserved it, and how much God loved her, then explained that I was happy to help her. We talked for a few more minutes followed by several more hugs and then she rushed out the door to go get her special lotion.

Tyler(my husband) and I stood there with such emotion. We both ached inside for this lady. We felt that we wished we could do more. We left Ross and headed towards Walmart. Sure enough walking down the sidewalk towards Walmart was Mrs. Sugar, so I pulled the car over and asked her to let us drive her.

In the car she shared more of her story and the trials and suffering she had been through. Though beaten down she still had hope. She still had faith in the Lord and a gracious spirit. Before we left tonight we made sure she had our phone number and I do hope she will call. We may have done something small by giving her what she needed, but she did something big for me.

God always puts us where we need to be. He knew that I would meet Mrs. Sugar today and that somehow we would see a bigger picture. Hearing her tell of how others look down on her and think of her that way broke my heart. It also made me think of  Proverbs 14:31 - Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him. By helping those in need we are giving honor to God! We shouldn't look down on others and shame them. We should be like Christ called us to be! We are called to love and be imitators of Him!

God wants us to Love! He wants us to give! John 13:34-35 says - A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” If you also read Matthew 22:37-39  you will see the first and greatest commandment -“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”

My hope is that we can all find a way to help others. To pour out Gods love and give strength to someone in need. I am still emotional after today, but I thank God for letting me meet Mrs. Sugar and allowing me to help her in some small way. She helped me too and opened my eyes to see certain things differently. I hope to see her again and I pray God keeps his hand on her through her journey.

Love and Hugs,

Brandi J



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Welcome!

I was in my bed reading my bible, and it hit me! I need to share this! I need to share the word of God! I need to share these powerful and captivating words spoken in truth that have gripped my heart and changed my life. I need to spread His word and share my stories throughout my daily life.

Not all my stories are coated with rainbows and dripping with sprinkles. Life is life. God didn't promise us perfect days, but he did promise he would be beside us through every step we take! Our God is a powerful God full of love and grace. He is without fault and full of mercy! He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!

As I sit here typing this I am full of excitement! I know that God will lead me on this journey to share my stories with you. He will guide me on a path that will allow me to share His word and give Him the glory!

I have several things planned to share with you so far! I am still in the process of getting everything up and running, but I will be doing my very best to post them as soon as I can. I'm not sure at this moment how many days each week I will be posting, but I am aiming for a minimum of 2 or 3.

Thanks so much for visiting and check back soon for those posts!