Seeing Part of God's Plan Unfold: Part One

God has a plan. His plans, unlike mine, are perfect! As organized as I try to be and as much as I use my Life Planner there is no comparison. He doesn't need nice and tidy notes or bulleted tasks or even outlines. His plans are amazing. In the chaotic mess that is sometimes my life I got to see a glimps of His plan unfold.

Due to the amount of time (seven months) that this plan unfolded there is no way to accurately detail it in one blog post. I will be doing this in several parts, with this being the first. I am excited to share this, because to see were this journey has led me is amazing. Truthfully I know that His plan is still not finished, but oh how far we've come.

--------------------PART ONE--------------------

 

 

December of 2014 was a rough month. It felt like everything was falling apart. I was overwhelmed to say the least. Work was not going as I planned, the boys school was not how I expected, my marriage was not at its peak, family situations were a mess, our house was a disaster, and the list goes on. I could spend all day telling you what was wrong, but that alone would take several posts and that isn't what this is about!

 

Christmas came and went and by the time new years eve rolled around I was in bed. There was no celebration, there was no fireworks, there was no celebration. I stayed in bed...literally all day. January had come and it was supposed to be the time for resolutions and new beginnings. All I wanted to do was hide under the covers.

 

The stress and demands of life continued to pile up and I hit my breaking point. I was sitting on my couch and it hit me...the worst panic attack of my life. You can read about that here. I spent the entire night feeling out of control and feared I had lost my mind. The next morning I was still horribly anxious and then the depression hit. I wanted to run. I definitely needed to get away. Vacation was not even close to being an option, so I did the next best thing. I packed up some of our things and we came to my grandmothers.

 

 

Looking back on how things in my life were going I can easily tell you now the important things that were missing. See, I was overwhelmed because I didn't give God my problems. In all honesty I didn't give Him my time either. I put too much focus on everything else, but failed to do the most important thing. 1Peter 5:7 tells us to "Cast all your worries on Him, because He cares for you." I didn't do that. I held on to them when I needed to let go.

 

 

I have mentioned before that I grew up in church, and even went to Christian school. As an adult I let things get in the way and made excuses. We went to church occasionally and we prayed together at meals then at night I would say my prayers. That wasn't enough. It wasn't even close. I didn't have a personal relationship with God, and I was failing to set an example for my children.  My soul wasn't being fed and neither was my families. We had to make a change! Reading my Bible and building my relationship with God was where I planned to start. I love the pin on pinterest about reading your bible. The one that tells you that your bible should be like bread for daily use not cake for special occasions. That is so very true!

 

 

 

Now please don't think that all you have to do to fix everything is to open your Bible. It is a great start, but you have to read it , pray over it, build your relationship with God, and diligently seek Him. You can't snap your fingers and think things will change. That is something else I've learned along this journey. We all go through trials in our lives for a purpose. God is building us and molding us for His purpose. Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." It doesn't say good things or bad things or ok things, it says ALL things!!

 

 

My soul was desperately in need of being fed. I ached inside and I knew that the only thing that could fill that void was God. So I was going to seek him with my whole heart, and I have been doing that since. My life has changed in so many ways. I could shout from the rooftops about His amazing grace and love. I have this love that I cannot even explain!

 

My life is in no way easy, but my hope is anchored in Him! I rely on Him and He keeps me safe. What I didn't realize in January was that God had a plan the entire time. He used me and others in my life to completely transform a situation. This situation doesn't change the world, but it did change all of us and I can't wait to finish telling you how His plan has unfolded!

 

Love and Hugs,

 

Brandi J.



Our Suffering and His Comfort : Dealing with Panic and Anxiety

Struggles are around us every single day. Some of us struggle with work, friendships, over eating, not eating enough, sadness, fear, depression, anxiety, and panic along with many other things. Each of us has some type of "set back" or "suffering".

At times we feel that we cant go on, and lose ourselves in our thoughts. I have been guilty of this. I suffer from severe anxiety and panic disorder that was brought on through the trials of my life. When these horrible attacks first started I thought I was going crazy. I literally felt insane. Then I wondered "why me God, why me?"

Growing in my faith and walking with Christ has taught me a lot about the "why". God has a plan and purpose for everything. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." There is one thing I have realized throughout the years. My time doesn't necissarily mean its Gods time. I may want things to happen right now, but God may have something better in mind. He can see the bigger picture and we see a fraction.

Throughout the years people would tell me to "get over it" and, of course, "its all in your head". Um, hello!!! I know its in my head!! Do these people not think that if I could snap my fingers and snap out of it or "get over it" I would? The answer is YES! Of course I would! Going through years of anxiety and panic disorder are somehow worked into a bigger picture. Somehow, through faith, I know God will use my trials and stories to help someone else! When He is fully ready for me to understand His plan I will see it, but for now I trust in His unfailing love, and rest in the security that He is with me!

I decided today that I would share something I wrote after one of my horrible panic attacks. So many people want to know how a panic attack feels. Doctors sometimes describe the symptoms, but not the true feelings. Yes you do get dizzy and your palms sweat, but that doesn't even begin to describe what is going on in your head. Here is something I wrote after one of my attacks before I understood what I do today.

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Imagine for a second you are drugged. You are poisoned by a toxic chemical. it washed over your body and you feel the urge to flee. The feeling of unimaginable terror takes over and you jump to your feet in hopes of finding an escape. You want to run, you need to run, but there is nowhere to go. The thing you are trying so desperately to run from is in your head. Its not a drug. There is no crazy chemical. Its a panic attack and there is no escape.

You want to scream; to call for help. You need someone or something to make it stop. The terror washes over you like a tidal wave that is about to knock you under the dark and unknown waters of your fears. You begin to sweat ice cold bullets and your pupils dilate as you begin to shake. Your skin feels hot and parts of you begin to go numb. Your face feels like its on fire, but you continue to tremble like someone who was left out in the icy bitterness of winter.

It gets worse now. You can't be still. the shaking is out of control just like your thoughts. You can feel your mind slipping away...floating above you like a dark looming could. Your thoughts aren't yours; or are they? You want to grab your head in hopes of holding yourself together. In hopes of stopping these feelings that cause so much pain. You aren't yourself. You can see the things around you, but you cant change a thing.

You pace the floor as you shake and the warm tears begin to fall down your warm cheeks leaving their salty trail. "Please make this stop. Please help me. What is happening" You say to yourself wishing, praying, and begging for it to leave. You are clinging to a hope that something will ease these fears and make the suffering end. You can't stop thinking about how terrified you are and the panic gets worse. You grip your chest because your heart aches. There is a tightness in your lungs and a pressure like no other. You are carrying the weight of the world.

You continue to beg and plead for this nightmare to end as thoughts race through your scattered mind. "Is this really happening? Is it ever going to end? Will this feeling and terror be all that I know forever? Is this my forever?" Tears still fall as you sit down in hopes of stopping the room from spinning...your world from spinning, but you cant. The moment you sit you are again overcome with that enormous urge to escape. How can you escape? You know you cant. you can't run from your own thoughts, and when the realizations sets in that there is no escaping more unbearable fear creeps in. The fear has you. It grips you. The shaking wont stop. The pain wont stop.

The aching and fear continue and the feeling that your thoughts no longer belong to you brings a sadness that cannot be described. You begin to pace again still clutching your chest. The aching wont subside as the shaking and fear overwhelm you. You can no longer see straight. "Am I going crazy?" you wonder "Am I honestly losing my mind? I cant get a grip on myself. Please someone help me."

The pacing, shaking, and crying continue as the cold sweat trickles down your hot skin. The dizziness has taken over and you think you will faint. You pray you will faint so you won't feel this way. You try to sit again knowing its almost impossible because the urge to flee is enormous. You try again, still holing your chest. You grip your bible and fumble to open it then begin to flip through the pages fighting against the shaking. Your fingers feel that they will fail you, but you find a verse in Psalm 9:10 and begin to read  "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord have never forsaken those who seek you."

You cry. You beg. You pray. Please Lord, please help me! Then you continue repeating that verse. You read it aloud through the tears, fear, and pain until exhaustion finally takes over and you fall asleep.

It isn't truly over yet. No, you still aren't free, because when you wake you will feel that weight baring down on you and an immense sadness over what you endured. The fear lingers in the back of your mind and burdens you. The question hangs over you like that dark cloud and you wonder "will it happen again? Can I make it through the next time?" The sadness and fear stay with you even though you try to push it from your thoughts. The thoughts you fear don't truly belong to you anymore, but you pray. You pray that one day you can overcome the panic and sadness and finally be ok.

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I wrote that feeling scared and confused. I wrote that without an understanding of the good that can actually come from this. I wrote it sad and worried that I would never overcome the pain. I will be doing several posts on these topics and the journey that this has taken me on. There was one verse that stood out to me and I'm going to share that with you. I want each of you to know that it will be ok! If you are suffering from anxiety, panic attacks, depression, or anything else God will get you through! Turn your focus to Him! He will give you strength! Our gracious heavenly father has overcome the world! John 16:33 tells us " I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world!" Don't you think if our magnificent savior can overcome the world he can help us overcome our troubles!

In the new testament we can read of Paul's sufferings and trials. 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 tells us his thoughts about what he endured. "But he said to me "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness,  so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insult, in hardships in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak then I am strong." I love that! For when I am weak then I am strong! We as humans are weak, but Christ Jesus WILL make us strong!

Hold on to your faith because it will get better! You are not alone in your suffering. If you are at your wits end and are feeling overwhelmed say this prayer:

Lord God I come to you know and I need your peace.

Lord please lay your hand on me and take this burden

from me. My heart aches and I cannot do this alone.

Lord I need your strength. I ask that you carry this for me.

Lord take this pain and give me a peace. Cover me in your Love

and renew my spirit. Free me from my fears and protect me.

Lord I praise you for all that you are and for your gracious

and abundant love. I ask these things in Jesus Name. Amen.

Love and Hugs,

Brandi Jones

PS: I plan to do a few studies from 2 Corinthians so please stay tuned!

Simply Noticing What God Puts In Front Of You

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. Even as Christians we sin and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23 states that plain as day. We aren't created to be perfect. The Lord knows we will fail and make mistakes. That is natural. We are human. We sometimes judge ourselves and even compare ourselves to other Christians. Galatians 6:4 says Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

God didn't call us to be like other Christians, he called us to be like Him! Ephesians 5:1-2 tells us "Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God."

I have been praying for wisdom and guidance in my daily life. In this world we are faced with the struggle of crazy schedules, long work hours, demanding family members, children who need us, and the constant urge to rush. We feel like we need to get everything accomplished and feel like we fail when we don't. Sometimes we need a break! Sometimes we need to step back and take a look around us. When you give your cares to God, and rest you will be amazed at how your eyes open!

Today our family piled in the car after church and I tried to mentally prepare myself for our usual argument over what we would eat. If you know our family, then you know food choice is never something easily agreed upon. We had a few things we needed to do today, so I opted for a quick choice. I suggested Arby's and all at once everyone seemed to love the idea. "WOW" I thought to myself as I put the car in reverse and headed to Arby's .

We all went in, ordered our food, and sat down to eat. After blessing the food we all dug in. A few minutes later a man came in the side door. His clothes were ripped and somewhat dirty, and he held his head down as he crossed the lobby and headed for the drink machine with a battered and old drinking cup that had seen better days. I watched as he glanced to see if any workers were watching him, then he picked up a napkin carefully wiping out the cup, and cautiously began filling it with water. When his cup was almost full he put his head down and quickly walked back through the lobby and out the door. I could hear snickering and gasps coming from the other table, but my heart broke for this man. He was not begging, he didn't ask for a thing, he simply needed water. I couldn't take it. I needed to help. Tyler immediately jumped to his feet and rushed out to get him. "Are you hungry?" Tyler asked motioning for the man to come back in. "No thank you." he replied to Tyler looking embarrassed. "Sir, please let us get you something to eat." he continued "I was in your shoes before and I know how this is. Please let us at least get you some lunch." Hesitantly the man walked back through the door with Tyler shaking his hand.

I won't go into any more detail about today, but I will say that it brought me to tears. The harsh and cruel things people can say break my heart. Sometimes people are so quick to judge. Even as Christians we can still have that tendency. I in no way want this to be a broadcast of a "good deed" or an "act of kindness". I didn't write this to tell the world we did something good. In fact I didn't want to tell anyone. What I want to get across is that we need to step back and see what is going on around us. We are all busy and rushing around. We all feel at times our lives are hectic and that we have too much to handle, or have to much on our plate. What if we were in that situation? What if we were the ones who just wanted a glass of water. What if we were the ones getting disgusted looks and harsh remarks.

I feel that God put us there today because that man needed us. It could have been anyone, but God put in on our hearts to help. Christ loves each and every one of us. We all grew up hearing that song "Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world". We are ALL his children every one of us. It doesn't matter if you are rich, just getting by, or don't have a dime to your name. He loves us all! It is our job as Christians to love our neighbor as Christ loves us. We don't shun or shame others. We love them.

When we do good and share we are pleasing God! Hebrews 13:16 says "Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God." You don't help someone because you think others will see or know. You help because you want to please God. There was a reason God put us there today and I praise Him for allowing that sweet man to have a meal.

When your days get too stressful or you feel like you can't deal with everything around you just take a breathe. Look up and pray this prayer :

Dear Lord I come to you now and I need your help.

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and

I can't do this alone. I know with you Lord I don't

have to do it alone! I trust in Your unfailing love

and strength!You Lord can overcome it all! 

Lord God I ask that you take this burden and

stress and give me peace. Help me stay focused on You

and allow me to glorify you throughout my day.

I thank you Lord for all you have

given me and I praise your Holy Name.

In Jesus Name. Amen.

Love and Hugs!

Brandi Jones